Sexy is as Sexy Does

It has come to my attention that when I wrote my R post, I inadvertently left out a person who is very important in today’s world.  He is none other than the Sexiest Man Alive, Ryan Rodney Reynolds.  (Yes, that is his real name, at least according to Wikipedia.)  A triple R no less.  I sincerely apologize for the oversight.

The reigning king of sexy

Of course I eagerly anticipate the “Sexiest Man Alive” issue of People Magazine every year.  How would I possibly know who to be attracted to without the guidance of the philanthropists at People?  Without them, I would just flounder around thinking, “Well, I think Ryan Reynolds is sexy, but is he really?”  I’m so glad they’ve clarified this for me.  I can’t thank them enough for providing this invaluable service to us women.

Looking at the history of the Sexiest Man Alive, the picks have been all over the place.  There have been some good ones in the past.  Hugh Jackman and Matt Damon have gotten the title, and George Clooney has had it twice.  I’m completely on board with those.  But then there’s Johnny Depp, Richard Gere and Mel Gibson.  Those must have been off years in the world of sexy. 

This is sexy?

Honestly I don’t know if I’m the best judge.  Looking at my own history, I haven’t always agreed with the mainstream idea of attractiveness.  It started back in junior high when all the girls were in love with George Michael.  Let’s just say that his “flamboyance” was a little too much for me.  (Watch the video for “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” and you’ll see what I mean.)  There was also Don Johnson with his three day beard and pastel suits.  He never did a thing for me either.  And Brad Pitt.  I’ve never understood what the fuss is about.  And it’s not just because of the whole Jennifer Anniston/Angelina Jolie thing.  I didn’t like him even in the early days, when he was little more than an extra.

Speaking of extras, I’ve always liked the supporting men better than the big stars.  (Well, except for when I was twelve and in love with Michael J. Fox.)  When Top Gun came out, all the girls drooled over Maverick; I liked Goose.  While most women couldn’t get enough of Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic, I was wishing they would give more screen time to the ship’s designer, played by Victor Garber.  I like men who haven’t gotten to be too big for their britches.  (Wow, I just thought of half a dozen comments I could make about that expression, but I won’t go there.)  In my book, acknowledgment of one’s own sexiness is a turn-off.  In other words, if a guy knows he’s sexy, he’s not. 

To me, sexiness has as much to do with personality as it does looks.  A guy can have the best body and biggest smile in the world, but if he’s a jerk, he’s not sexy.  Take Mel Gibson.  (Please take him, because I sure as heck don’t want him.)  I used to dig him, until he proved himself to be a first-rate A-hole.  Now I’m not quite sure what the attraction ever was. 

The older I get, the more I realize that sexiness has very little to do with a steroid-enhanced body or an artificially whitened smile.  For someone to be sexy to me, I have to get the feeling that he’s a nice guy, that he has manners and treats people right.  He has to put other people ahead of himself. 

Of course this is just me.  Sexiness is an individual preference, which is why it’s so ridiculous to have a Sexiest Man Alive.  There isn’t going to be one man that every woman considers the sexiest man in the world.  That’s like saying that there’s one best flavor of ice cream.  Everyone knows it’s impossible to get any two women to agree on anything. 

Even if there were a single sexiest man alive, what are the chances of him being an A-list actor?  Pretty good according to People considering that that’s what 24 out of their 25 choices have been.  But really, is it not possible that there’s an even sexier non-celebrity out there?  Do they even try to look for those guys?

There’s one other reason the concept of Sexiest Man Alive doesn’t make sense.  What about last year’s winner?  (In this case, Johnny Depp.)  He’s still alive.  Is he not sexy any more?  What happened to make him become less sexy?  And what about the two-time winners?  (Mr. Depp is also one of those.)  Were they sexy, then they became unsexy for a few years, and they got their sexiness back? 

This whole thing is ridiculous.  But I can’t complain.  There are worse ways to spend half an hour than looking at eye candy.